Letter of Apology
by T'Lai
Summary: I want to apologize and explain my actions. I made mistakes. I was selfish, angry, and misguided, but the truth is that I do love you, and I'm asking for your forgiveness. A movie canon compliant letter from Hans to Anna post-Frozen


My dearest Anna,

I understand that you likely feel that I have to right to call you that, but I humbly ask you to read this letter and give me a fair hearing. I would like to tell you the truth. I hope that I can explain what I did and why I did it so that you will understand and perhaps forgive me. I ask for nothing more.

The truth is, I did travel to Arendelle searching for an escape from my home and 12 older brothers. I was hoping for an improvement in my fortunes, and even considered the possibility of wooing your sister, Queen Elsa. Being the youngest of 13 is not easy. All that I truly have is a title that I am expected to live up to so I do not shame my family. I live on their charity and can never expect to amount to anything at home, but I am required to learn all the same lessons and responsibilities as any other royal. My hope and expectations in coming to Arendelle are not unusual for a royal. In fact, they are what all younger heirs are taught: to seek to improve their station and make a good marriage. I know that your upbringing was very different, and I am truthfully jealous of that, because what you had is not standard for those of our station.

Here is the second truth: I do love you. When I first ran into you with my horse I was captivated. Before I even knew who you were, I knew that I wanted to know you. You were vivacious and adventurous. By your dress you were clearly of a higher station, but by your actions and the fact that you were out on foot alone you were clearly not conventional. I was thrilled when I found out you were Princess Anna, not because of your political station but because it meant that you were my peer and I could freely get to know you. The night of your sister's coronation was honestly magical for me. Everything that I told you about me was true. All those things that we shared and discovered in common are real. I meant every word I said and would change nothing about that night.

The third truth is that I lied when you asked me to kiss you. I was on the verge of doing it, when I realized that it wouldn't help you, and it would hurt me more than I could bear. Part of my schooling was about understanding magic. You told me that only an act of true love could save and change your heart, but you were wrong that me kissing you would qualify for quite a few reasons. First, if I kissed you, it would be my action, not yours, and it was your heart that was frozen, so the change of heart to thaw it had to come from you and no one else. Second, a kiss is not an act of true love. I know that people are always speaking of "true love's kiss", but when it comes to magic involving changing a heart, that is not enough. A true act of love is selfless, and a kiss between two people who love each other can never be selfless.

Fourth, when I told you that I wanted your kingdom and not you, it was a mix of truth and lies, that was why I was able to be so convincing. I couldn't bear to kiss you, because I knew it wouldn't cure you, and to come so close to having the one person I loved and then lose them– I just couldn't face it. So I was selfish and told you about the original reason I had come to Arendelle without telling you that I didn't care about any of it anymore. I was so angry that I was going to lose you that I couldn't face it. And I couldn't allow Queen Elsa to resume rule when she was the cause of your death. She was out of control and irresponsible. It would have been a crime and a danger to allow her to go unpunished and rule the people of Arendelle. So I lied to the statesmen that we had said our wedding vows. I couldn't leave Arendelle without a ruler, that would be just as irresponsible as leaving it in the hands of one who was emotional and uncontrolled, but there could be no doubt about the validity of my rule. And truthfully, I hoped to find solace for losing my true love when I had just found you by burying myself in the work of a king and by trying to focus on the power that had been so important to me before I met you. It was wasted effort. I never could have forgotten you.

I'm sure this seems incredible, especially since I did put out the fire and lock you in the room to face your death. I was not thinking clearly at that point. I couldn't bear to see you suffer and wanted to offer you the mercy of a quick death instead of a drawn out, futile few extra minutes while you froze. My failure was that I wasn't strong enough to stay with you. To set aside my feelings of loss and anger long enough to offer you whatever comfort I could before you died.

Finally, I know I tried to kill your sister, but I promise you, it was not out of greed or selfishness. Had my sole purpose been to take your kingdom it would have been much simpler and more likely to win the support of the people if I had captured her again and put her on trial. I doubt she would have resisted had you in fact died. The truth is that I was mad with grief at losing you. I was not thinking rationally. All I could see was your beautiful face surrounded by white hair and you shivering uncontrollably. I thought that there would at least be justice served by her death and I wasn't willing to wait for a trial, I wanted justice and perhaps even revenge immediately.

I know that you may find this hard to believe considering everything that happened, but I swear by everything that I love that I am telling you the entire truth. Honestly, I can't even regret anything that happened. Though I have lost you, though you may not forgive me and may indeed hate me for the rest of your life, though I may have to watch you marry a common ice cutter and know you never want to hear my name again, much less see me, at least I know that you are alive and happy. Because of my actions, however horrible and misguided they were, you had the chance to perform a real act of true love and so change your heart and live. I love you and ask your forgiveness, but if that is too much, I am content to know that my actions saved your life.

All my love,

Hans of the Southern Isles


End file.
